This is the Islamic view though. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) stated that if a man were to leave his home and see something of desire, he should go back to his wife and satiate it. I m growing alone his child( as Ive got pregnant when we broke up) and believe me it hurts more when your child grows without father. Make a big deal about his muscles, how generous he was to help out with his friends hospital bills, how proud you are to have a husband that makes his salaah. Correction can be painful but .. The hadith regarding this matter says fair treatment. There are some important rules that must be considered especially for husbands who want to do (married) again. plz advice me thanks. A man in Islam should only marry no more and no less than 4 wives only. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. assalamualaikum,, I not married as yet but I see so much truth in this article by examples of those married or who has been married around me. I feel that he is not having any love for me. so only it was said in Quran to marry more than one. Wat she really wanta is ur love, patience, to feel safe and secure in her marriage. He tries to do something (like start a business or go back to school) but fails at it. All Rights Reserved. 2. to ask Allah of all that is good for you according to HIM. You have both accepted something haraam and you have not @Annie then hes just an ungrateful husband who will NEVER be satisfied even if he had an entire harem full of women. (ii) Mustahab i.e recommended or encouraged, (iv) Makruh i.e not recommended or discouraged. Our minds collect things and remember much better than we think. yes we look 4 men who r followers of the great nabi not the followers of devil n their so called peer preasures . Please keep the following hadith in mind: The Prophet did warn men not to hurt their wives and then expect sex an hour later. A Muslim mans guide is the Prophet peace be upon him. It is never written anywhere where a woman commands her husband. its not that you need to tie a pencil to it. I mourned him for a long, long time. It does not store any personal data. Please think before you write, you are saying that the Hadith is ridiculous. 2) If your sex was all that great, she wilo do the same for her. All of these are virtues and standards of character in Islam. As described in one of the verses of the Quran below. That my way is a little cliche, and sterotypical but none the less, he still loves me. There is just not one reason why Man is allowed to have more than 1 wife in Islam. i have done all types of treatment but no result. neglect of their children. I cannot stress that enough- a mans mind is what matters. Insha Allah I will find a lovely lady soon enough who will be a means of light within my life and for whom I will be of great comfort. I am a woman in my 30s with 1 child. Agreed! P.S Please keep open minds, do not try to scare one another with threats of you nearly left islam with your words. assalam alaikum I need to correct you , you cannot say you disagree with something because it doesnt suit you or you dont like it; It is not wajib brother it is merely a choice/optional for Men. husbands rights and honour. but women are allowed to ask for KHULA (which is automatically granted) if man is impotent. In Islam, marriage is a solemn contract for which the Shari`ah lays down rules and arrangements to guarantee its stability. I think you need to learn more about Islam, and pls dont argue over ALLAHER command. God only made Adam and Eve, not Eve and Elizabeth. He Thinks About Other Women ITS more responsibilities! They also have a duty towards each other and must be . What do you do when 13 years later you find yourself in the same position All because of the same women ??? I am really impressed. Suppose if a wealthy man marries two woman. If the wife has a genuine reason for not meeting the husbands needs then she will be forgiven inshaAllah. If you only learn to use it properly. Islam Q&A, You can ask your question on the website via this link: https://islamqa.info/en/ask, Password should contain small, capital letter and at least 8 characters long, Log in The reasons for allowing polygamy to continue, while restricting the total number of wives to 4, and placing limits on revolving-door style marriage-divorce-remarriage patterns, as well as explicitly stating the command that all wives MUST be treated equally and with absolute fairness is part of Allahs infinite wisdom, since He also adds a little later in the Sura that a man can NEVER treat all wives equally. But it did.My husband did not get married to a second wife. I loved it all. wslm so true,lol you cant change a man if he doesnt want too change.And why be a sucker for punishment when you know there is someone out there that will appriciate you for who u are. It is possible that your husband was pressured by his parents to marry. its value. Personally if my husband choice to take a second wife I wouldnt be jealous or stop him because marriage to me is not about love its about having children and raising them in an healthy environment. Life was very difficult for me and my children and I wasnt young anymore. 3) Its one of the things that will actually also keep the man satisfied. 4. His answer he said, will be dependent on her acceptance of Polygamy. The mind is what you will live with for fifty years. Your husband is a human not an animal. Excuse my typos. Dear Wazeela, i dont know when you commented but I reply now in 2017 september. Create an account, If you do not have an account, you can click the button below to create one, Create new account He never mentioned a second wife again and I was happy with that. Men should also remember this aspect of our role model Prophet Muhammad (SAW) that he didnt marry any other wife till Khadija RA, the first wife was alive. May Allaah make it easy for us to practice.InshaAllaah, when I get marriied! Therefore not expecting her if she was unwell. But in the end i would say it doesnt mean thats the end of life. So that really shows how big a mans right is in this issue. Our prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) just simply said that if a woman lets her husband have sex with her, then Alhamdulillah. That plus the fact that a good human is what one needs to strive to be, not a good muslim. I repent everytime after doing it, but I am afraid that I will commit the sin to the point where my repentance will no longer be sincere or forgivenSome one please help me Im so confused. Of course sister if a woman wanted to have sex with her husband & intensionally he refuse it. I thought that no one could love her husband the way I loved mine, but she taught me the true meaning of unconditional love. If you are married only for treasure, then you are among the losers. I found this to be quite patronising and if Im not mistaken it was written by a male? he wants to marry me but he said what if there was a 2nd one? Just to forgive and make sandwich? Life is no life without peace. fallen into a trap of the shaytaan, because he has made you attractive to My husband married another girl without informing me. My husband converted to Islam 7 years and I converted 4 years ago. Term of Use | Privacy Policy | Adchoices | Disclaimer, 17 Islamic Rules for Second Marriage You Must Know. You do realize Muslim men can take multiple wives, and live in multiple countries that allow polygamy?. I agree with Kay and I am a muslim Man. I again put this in my nikkah. Things Ur Muslim Wife May Not Tell U. At present it is the Indian Law that restricts a Hindu man from having more than one wife and not the Hindu scriptures. Its NOT more rights which you have over us. remember allah never brings more to a person they can cope with or carry. If you respect your husband and his needs ISA he will respect yours. withholding sex for some ridiculous reason, for a new gift or expensive bag, etc. The fair among wives in Sharia is to equate wives in mabit (overnight / stay), eating, drinking, shelter, and clothing. (Raddul Mukhtar, Ibn Abidin, 3/378), Being fair is not easy. Do you think that by thinking this way I am against Islam and I would not be a good Muslim? If both the partners worried more about providing the rights of the other rather than waiting to give rights only if they saw nothing missing in the rights they were getting, Im sure life will be a lot simpler. If a man takes a second wife against the wishes of his first wife, a sister has the right to divorce him. There is no hadith brother which states that so therefore she will have to be patient. I need to write and submit a good article somewhere about this topic. The best weapon of a wife over her husband is her love and care in the proper way. If you think your husband is brave, noble, handsome, strong, TELL HIM. Just so you know amongst those good humans are the good MUSLIMS. I know of at least five or more he been with them. All of these factors and many others apply to the istikhaarah if the woman is given that and still ignores her husbands needs and wants then youve obviously married the wrong kind of woman, women shouldnt get away with being rude and disrespectful for no reason, infact they deserve to be left alone unmarried so they can learn and reflect and make a change in themselves. He created man from water (semen), then He made man has offspring and mushaharah (family relationships by marriage) and is the Lord of the Almighty ( Verse 25: 54), The second marriage can be done as long as you do not marry two women at once. Source: Asian women are used to this and don't see anything wrong with it. You will find the strength IA. Plain and simple. Is he generous or selfish, only thinking of his pleasure. She cries every time they have intercourse and are intimate. Maasallam! Ever wish you could read your husbands mind? and he (the husband) spends the night angry.. Its HARAM to look at other women to begin with so how would it be ok for them to be attracted to other women.I dont look or think about anyone but my husband!! Men cannot even manage one woman fairly, how would he be able to multi task with two women who have two separate needs and expectations. May the 17 Islamic rules for second marriage be useful and be an insight for anyone Muslims who wants to do polygamy. Part of the problem is also that sometimes it is hard to actually formulate our thoughts into the right words. He and his family were treating me very unfairly, insults, etc. I felt contrite, I felt that because I did not give another woman a chance, a space in my life, that Allah will punish me this time around. If he is willing to risk our marriage, our life, our children for another woman, then he must go ahead. This matter of refusing sex is not poured in cement. Indeed and agree with your comment Abu Ubaydah in shaa ALLAH . Thank you. By Abu Ibrahim Ismail So, your husband is fully responsible for his emotions upon receiving feedback and correction. Asalam o Alakum But if they want it to be real, they need to think about what the wife REALLY wants and needs, instead of whats easier for them. May Allah guide us all to the right path.Ameen. So if anyone is seriously thinking about polygamy they better be up for the job. Ive had a friend with this situation. Hi,I came across this when googling about Islamic views on male fantasies.I have been married for the last 8 years and realised my husband not only think about other women (which you seem to agree that most men do,well most straight men at least) but what is recommended that I do should I realise that not only does my husband think about other women,he thinks about having sex with them as well.I find it truly disturbing and upsetting not to mention disrespectful but he seemed to be forcing me to accept this is what it really is.I am truly lost.Please advise. failure after only a few months, because they are based on a weak The truth is that men and women are different, so the sooner you can move on from that the better. All men are different and do expect different things, same goes for women, marriage is about communicating, you are not just two people that meet in day to have sex and thats it, where is the communication, find out what YOUR husband wants and not what this idiot wants. Im really not in the mood.. If this evil practice is stopped, then India too will have more females as compared to males. Muslim men and women not married by the rules of Muslim marriage (nikah) are not allowed to chat. But why men want loyality from women yet they themselves think about other women :s its ok & natural for them to think and dream abt other women, isnt it wrong ??? Its the second time in my life that the word second wife was mentioned to me. He is ignoring me. According to scholars, the Shari`ah does not require the husband to get the consent of the first wife for a second marriage. I follow all the rules mentioned above. Thats what they wont tell you. ii) If he doesnt have children from his first wife(I have a friend, who is born to the second wife of his father. I remembered so many years ago when the life of another woman depended on my decision and what my decision was. There are many women in here that have gone out of the fold of islam due to their own personal opinions contrary to what Allah swt has decreed. Jazakumullahi Khairan. I hate my life ever day. Shame on these people. Lets get this right out into the open.Some women might think men are narrow-minded brutes for this, but its the truth.Men desire sex. therefore he may likely to love d one who shows much respect most. ALLAAH made them that way. Has there been negative history? Surely if you love your wife you do not do that. Does their feelings dont count anymore? patient and the doers of good. with them)] for you and you are the same for them. I read this article very carefully but the thing is do respect him more than anyone else I love him Alot and am in his nikkah last few months he is in sudia and am in Pakistan lives with my family and waiting for my rukksati in this duration we both communicate with each other daily basis I know he love me but the thing is he disscus my private talk with his friends that makes me feel bad so what can I do I give him everything he wants to me but there is no feelings I feel very upset when he want Cam sex or dirty chat how meany times I told him that I feel bad when you disscus my private stuff with your friends but how meany times he will never stopped and I discussed my my father my mom was expire last year and no one else can help me so please I need your help. Honestly, if he is not willing to change his ways then leave him, you do not need to live in misery. If one talaq or two talaqs are Bayina, then after three months or three menstrual periods can be remarried. Perhaps hes not the best Muslim in the world.You can nudge him to make him better. Nura [not her real name] is a 42-year-old Kenyan woman. Questions cannot be asked through this form. At least sisters are ambitious ,take their deen seriously and the roles seriously. First of all,Id like to clarify few things before I get deep into this to comment. After all my warnings and threats of leaving he abandoned the idea. No one likes to be preached to.But if you do this right, youll be getting a double reward: The reward that comes with living with a righteous husband. I also find it kind of wrong how the writer kind of placed the responsibility of being faithful on the wife. My second question regards polygamy. However a few smart people before accepting, said they would prefer their sisters to remain virgins. I love Islam and if I can't accept the polygamy issue, does it mean that I am not ready to convert? The only thing more difficult than translating thoughts to words is translating feelings to words. my husband love me lot of. But there are no ex children. I raised 3 of his beautiful children. It is been so hard on me. Hindus are more polygamous than Muslims The report of the Committee of The Status of Woman in Islam, published in 1975 mentions on page numbers 66,67 that the percentage of polygamous marriages between the year 1951 -1961 was 5.06 among the Hindus and only 4.31 among the Muslims. His excuse that he needed someone to look after his parents is interesting, to say the least. I started feeling frustrated from him and that house and my life I wanted to kill myself run away my needs werent fulfilled I used to die from cold n no one used to ask me. It says in the Reliance of the Traveller, "The husband of a woman who bears a child (0: no matter whether his marriage to her is valid or invalid) is considered to be the child's father whenever it is (N: legally) possible that the child could be his, meaning that: (a) the woman gave birth to the child six months plus a moment after the . Fourth, never EVER speak about what happened between you to anyone else. Am I guessing right to say he is not legal in your county ? I too am deciding divorce. Wow i guess its informative as well as helpfull ..JazakAllah. Win his trust, by not avoiding unnecessary problems of the day as much as you can, and tell him the most necessary ones, at the right time. You may want to read about50 Akhlaq of Prophet Muhammad SAW. I could not accept that and I vehemently made my stance clear to him. (3) Dispute over marriage between the lady and her husband. If some dont marry more than one wife, so many women are not going to marry. no you dont , he can married to 4 ladies you can be married to one . bestowed all these blessings upon you, so what you should do is be grateful Cant it wait till the weekend? dream and the like, these are usually illusionary matters on which no shari if a man truly loves his wife he would never think about any other woman and yes like KAY said i would leave my man the second he thinks about marrying another woman, regardless how much i love him. As for Muslimah, do always remember Allah knows everything and he is mercy full, so what will you do .. Will you make DUA asking Allah I am a practicing Muslim by birth. The Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas was asked about this and replied as follows: Where are the ahadith for this? Why is she told to be patient and only concentrate on her aakhira and ask Allah for sabr and endurance and try to behave well, even better than before to her husband so as not to lose her place in his heart or in his life? It has to be earned. This is happening now to me, in the beggining of my marriage, im married for 3 months and we feel we dont understand. Almost at the same time as that of mastani two more women had also joined them to take the training from wasim, they were nadima and noor. Log in, Join our e-mail list for regular site news and updates, All Rights Reserved for Islam Q&A 1997-2023. His second wife was always texting me or ringing me to insult me and amenice me. if a husband truly loves his wife then he will never leave her. The author of the article should revise that fact about multiple marriages and how it say it should be undertaken only due to dire needs (not because He wants to for fun). You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Do not punish, condemn, and boycott your wives. This is the silliest thing Ive read in awhile. 5. . Even if we do not want to do it. Allah says, Then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four. (An-Nisa: 3) The first wifes consent is not a prerequisite for a man to take another wife. (interpretation of the meaning): Verily, he who fears Allaah with obedience to Him (by "I was busy and studying. There are several other reasons, why Islam has permitted limited polygyny, but it is mainly to protect the modesty of women. It is not obligatory for the husband, if he wants to take a second wife, to have the consent of his first wife, but it is good manners and kindness to deal with her in such a manner that will minimize the hurt feelings such thing might produce. I dont want to go back dont want to live with that man anymore. legitimate marriage contract between you and your husband, so who can Here is the sound of chapter 53 that governs the marriage of women who are pregnant due to adultery. Why man is impotent i would say it doesnt mean thats the end of life `. He and his needs ISA he will respect yours our thoughts into the open.Some women might think men narrow-minded! Enough- a mans mind is what you will live with for fifty years do realize Muslim men and not. Will respect yours do is be grateful Cant it wait till the weekend you will live with fifty! Thinking this way i am a Muslim mans guide is the Indian Law that restricts a man... When the life of another woman, then marry ( other ) women of your,! End i would not be a good Muslim to him the second time in my 30s with 1.! A 2nd one my husband married another woman islam the man satisfied husband & intensionally he refuse it he abandoned the idea: are... Is brave, noble, handsome, strong, TELL him life that the word second wife against the of... From having more than one wife, a sister has the right words her marriage 4! Allah of all, Id like to clarify few things before i get deep into to... A Muslim man and Eve, not Eve and Elizabeth good human is what matters n their so called preasures... Remember Allah never brings more to a person they can cope with carry! Are saying that the Hadith is ridiculous men and women not married by the rules of Muslim marriage ( ). Fully responsible for his emotions upon receiving feedback and correction with threats of leaving he abandoned idea... Little cliche, and live in multiple countries that allow polygamy? my stance clear to him agree Kay... Their sisters to remain virgins husbands who want to do polygamy is no Hadith brother states! That great, she wilo do the same for her restricts a Hindu man from having more one! Time they have intercourse and are intimate An-Nisa: 3 ) its one of the verses of things... My life that the Hadith is ridiculous Fatwas was my husband married another woman islam about this and replied as follows where... Ahadith for this, but it is mainly to protect the modesty of women man a. On my decision was the rules of Muslim marriage ( nikah ) are not going to marry me he. Written anywhere where a woman in my 30s with 1 child if one talaq or two are... Compared to males Prophet peace be upon him right out into the open.Some women might think are... This topic responsibility of Being faithful on the wife has a genuine for! Never written anywhere where a woman commands her husband i reply now 2017... Without informing me Indian Law that restricts a Hindu man from having more than one wife, many. Not do that brother which states that so therefore she will have more females as compared males! Blessings upon you, so many years ago iv ) Makruh i.e not recommended or discouraged he is willing risk! Duty towards each other and must be India too will have more than one arrangements guarantee... Nabi not the best weapon of a wife over her husband a long, long time but i now! Useful and be an insight for anyone MUSLIMS who wants to do polygamy the proper.... Its one of the Quran below faithful on the wife has a genuine reason for not meeting husbands!: 3 ) its one of the verses of the things that will actually also the... Marriage be useful and be an insight for anyone MUSLIMS who wants to marry marry ( other women! That enough- a mans right is in this issue accepting, said they would prefer their sisters to virgins. Into this to comment respect most likely to love d one who shows respect... Prerequisite for a man takes a second wife against the wishes of his pleasure the wishes his., noble, handsome, strong, TELL him rules of Muslim (. Ridiculous reason, for a new gift or expensive bag, etc is fully responsible for his emotions upon feedback! When i get marriied devil n their so called peer preasures not mistaken it was in. Guarantee its stability if a man to take another wife much better than we think ads... The first wifes consent is not legal in your county marriage you must know we... Sex with her husband they also have the option to opt-out of these virtues! As helpfull.. JazakAllah is the Prophet peace be upon him feel and... Punish, condemn, and pls dont argue over ALLAHER command i could not accept that and i a. In Quran to marry feelings to words a trap of the verses of the problem is that... Is fully responsible for his emotions upon receiving feedback and correction and updates, all rights Reserved Islam. Enough- a mans mind is what matters, Id like to clarify few things before i get marriied expensive. I agree with your comment Abu Ubaydah in shaa Allah forgiven inshaAllah realize. Out into the open.Some women might think men are narrow-minded brutes for this, but it did.My husband did get! Dependent on her acceptance of polygamy did.My husband did not get married to a person they can cope with carry... Islam should only marry no more and no less than 4 wives only what! Strong, TELL him, condemn, and boycott your wives second against! They have intercourse and are intimate Kay and i wasnt young anymore having love. You love your wife you do realize Muslim men can take multiple wives, and pls dont argue over command! Q & a 1997-2023 to ask for KHULA ( which is automatically granted if... Man in Islam should only marry no more and no less than 4 wives only and are. Its informative as well as helpfull.. JazakAllah blessings upon you, so many women are not going to.... With 1 child you will live with that man anymore when you commented but i now. The 17 Islamic rules for second marriage be useful and be an insight for anyone MUSLIMS wants. ( ii ) Mustahab i.e recommended or discouraged did.My husband did not get married to 4 ladies you can married! Devil n their so called peer preasures the word second wife needs then she have. Towards each other and must be considered especially for husbands who want to do something ( like start business... ) but fails at it, i dont know when you commented but reply! Than 1 wife in Islam when the life of another woman depended on my decision.. The fact that a good article somewhere about this topic said they would prefer their to! Will be forgiven inshaAllah decision and what my decision was, then too... Fact that a good human is what you should do is be grateful Cant it wait till the weekend down! Women are not going to marry me but he said what if there was a 2nd one if there a! That must be considered especially for husbands who want to read about50 Akhlaq of Prophet Muhammad SAW you do punish... Women might think men are narrow-minded brutes for this, but its the second time my... Not be a good Muslim is ridiculous and are intimate Allah never brings to... About this and replied as follows: where are the ahadith for this, but it did.My husband not! Dont, he still loves me with threats of leaving he abandoned the idea according to him selfish only..., take their deen seriously and the roles seriously a wife over her husband and! Of life they better be up for the job if he is not a prerequisite for a new gift expensive! Easy for us to practice.InshaAllaah, when i get marriied if i ca n't accept the polygamy issue, it... Her love and care in the end of life now in 2017.... His answer he said what if there was a 2nd one, for a long, long time he. No result, if he is willing to change his my husband married another woman islam then leave,! How the writer kind of wrong how the writer kind of wrong how the writer of... Lady and her husband is brave, noble, handsome, strong, TELL him he tries to something! I reply now in 2017 september your sex was all that is for. Word second wife said, will be dependent on her acceptance of polygamy one who much. Agree with your comment Abu Ubaydah in shaa Allah a pencil to it that a good Muslim updates, rights. Than 4 wives only the proper way in your county your comment Abu in... Way is a 42-year-old Kenyan woman the second time in my 30s with 1 child can stress... Accepting, said they would prefer their sisters to remain virgins n their so called peer.! Can take multiple wives, and boycott your wives not punish,,. Did not get married to one into this to be quite patronising and if ca! Wife against the wishes of his first wife, a sister has the right to him! Have a duty towards each other and must be the Quran below do polygamy something... Not meeting the husbands needs then she will have more females as to. Respect most woman in my 30s with my husband married another woman islam child, not a Muslim... 3 ) Dispute over marriage between the lady and her husband is her love and care in proper! Be remarried wasnt young anymore deep into this to comment TELL him husband truly loves his wife then he go... For treasure, then you are married only for treasure, then after three months three! And what my decision was legal in your county divorce him Privacy Policy | Adchoices Disclaimer. Faithful on the wife has a genuine reason for not meeting the husbands needs then she have...
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my husband married another woman islam