disadvantages of being a second wife islam

She has done Masters's (MS.c Psychology) and Outside opinions can give more insight than our own hearts. It simply is not right that anyone should ask her to live that way forever. A similar situation prevailed in Germany after the Second World War What i have found in the conversation really killed me, and give me lot of pain. What Is Marriage Coaching? There was a time in the past where women would share their husband to help out another woman for the sake of Allah but now people like the romantic movies they see and aren't as concerned about the afterlife. It is strange to see people proclaiming adherence to religion and justice but when faced with a personal challenge like this they suddenly claim "multiple marriage was all meant for the Prophet's companions" and that "We can not live the religion the way they did so we should not try at all to emulate their example" . We can contact each other So that I can support you. Well, i my mind get full of thinking too much until i reached the point that i started to look job in other country to leave this place. Also read some books about it. So that is the big threat for being a second wife to not successfully take the marriage. Don't break a devoted, loving woman's heart. Aren't you scared that he might keep other things from you, too? Too much time is wasted on praying 5x a day and other religious activities. The weight of all of these can fan second wife insecurities even in most self-assured women. I knew my family wouldnt approve of our marriage, but I was weak. Get your dose of relationship advice from Bonobology right in your inbox. Keep trust in Allah and you'll find a better man. Keep the love and heart of your wife, and still be giving and charitable to others. This will be very helpful for me in the struggles that i am facing now. May 23, 2022 / by / in . Remember what Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet said: ``No woman should ask for the divorce of her sister (in religion) in order to spill what is in her container.'' Should I tell my first wife about my secret second wife? I really love him so much, but i cannot stay in a situation like his denying me to his first wife and we keep lying.. Again, the best way to get your feelings out there without burning your marriage down is to have an honest conversation with your partner. In all likelihood, there will be an ex-spouse to deal with, stepchildren to win over, and the entire spectrum of second-wife syndrome to navigate. Was he afraid that he would scare you off, did he intend to take you as a second wife? After Allah sent down that verse, acting on the order of the Messenger of Allah, those who had more than four wives divorced the extra ones. The pitfalls occur one the person is not able to afford the family then the worsened results occur in terms of end of marriages and like that. he is a lesson and not a blessing. One day my brother told me that someone he knew is looking for a wife. Since this is nobodys tremulous, maiden love affair, get ready to handle some emotional baggage as a second wife. Thats life. He explained to me, that he just only telling that to his wife, because his wife wants us to divorce, but he dont want to lost me so he lied in that way. Even though there can be many advantages of being a second wife, you might feel inadequate when filling the spaces left behind by the ex-wife and kids. Non-traditional isnt necessarily a bad thing, its just that youll probably have more questions thrown at you and get used to being seen as not the original wife. How Is It Different From Marriage Counseling? Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. They avoid disagreements and quarrels and leave the wife ignorant of their second marriage as if this marriage just belongs to the man and has nothing to do with the wife. And you don't want that to happen do you? I ain't suspecting, however, I strongly suggest that you investigate a bit more about this man. 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( Sahih) (Tirmidhi), Abu Hurairah narrated that the Messenger of Allh said: ``Let not any woman ask for the divorce of her sister, so that she may empty her sister's plate. The first wife could also feel that youre replacing her completely and start jealously guarding her space. Its in a person's nature, or its not. Some lawyers. No automatic inherentance rights or rights to the house right etc. It is the freeing of a slave I wasnt exactly young and nave but I really wasnt prepared for the judgment and constant, curious questions that came our way.. Part of physical wellbeing includes sexual wellbeing and health. So yeah, she will be fine with it. My parents are threatening divorceam I being punished for my haram relationship? They treated like possessions, can be married off as a little child, they are distrusted and they have fewer civil rights. If you want sis. It is not Islamic for him to lie to his first wife and marry in secret. he explained everything to me after confronting him, i understood him but was hurt because i was not prepared for it and did not expect anything like that. Married more than one For men who want to carry out a second marriage, then this is permissible in Islam. He told to his wife, that she is the mother of his son, the official, his meat and blood. Injustice will pave the way for injustice in society. Because then he'll start feeling that you don't respect (there's that word again) the things he does do for you. Ensure they dont lose themselves in the past; remind them that they have a whole new future with you to look forward to even if they choose to honor the memory of their first wife in their own ways. And yes, there are MANY men who really do not want polygamy. Home bobbie harro biography disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy. If the man can not deal with both of you justly, he should not be marrying you. Why wouldn't the first wife be furious. Love is precious, messy, lopsided and almost always worth it. Are you 100% sure that he just has one more wife besides the current wife? But as a second wife, it is key to be able to navigate your way through awkward or uncomfortable situations.. Youll have to make room for kids and their schedules, date nights interrupted by babysitters who arent available at the last minute, in-laws who already had their own expectations long before you came along, etc. So, having a second wife is not pleasure and love ALL the time. One man we interviewed, Mahmd, had no qualms telling us that his reason for seeking a second wife was "boredom"! The only thing that hit the second marriage is that typically it is observed that 60 percent of the marriages ended up asking for the same requirements expected from the first wife. As a second wife, you dont really have a say in any of this, because all of it was done before you came into the picture at all. Does his wife even know about her? Here in this verse, Allah is defined as a man who can keep a maximum of four wives at one time. A second marriage quickly becomes serious. He came to my brothers house to see me. Everything was the same. About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features Press Copyright Contact us Creators . What can i do? 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Comparison only feeds these feelings, and theres absolutely no upside to holding yourself up against your spouses ex.. They dream big. disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy Theres no easy way to handle the twisted past of a man tired of two marriages, except to give it time and patience. But polygamy is NOT required. This is tricky territory even when youre dating, especially if the kids are in that teenage phase of intense hatred for anyone their parent dates. Reader, writer, editor To accept being a second wife also means accepting the children from your spouses first marriage and perhaps the skewed dynamics youd share with them at least in the beginning. Leave him alone and supplicate to Allah. People fall in and out of love every day, it's not really the most stable thing to base your marriage decision on. My second wife has three children from her previous marriage, which was invalid because her ex-husband was a Christian convert who along the way abondoned the religion (actually, he did not become Muslim by heart at all, and my second wife knew that). Or feeding on a day of severe hunger Provide the three areas that were Islamized. And he (wanting her) will say "Nooooo, no, I only want ONE wife." And on that note-- Polygamy is either something you are interested in, or its not. because if you were busy then you wouldnt care about these problems to much and you will just be happy and you will trust your husband. Certified Cognitive behavioral therapist and a member of Pakistan & American Psychological Association. In Holy Quran Chapter 4 surah Nisa verse No. Description: Islam encourages marriage and prohibits pre-marital and extra-marital relationships. When your friends talk about Christmas and having the whole family there togetheryoure over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. i understand your problems, you need to remember your life is allah not your husband and so what i mean is find other things to do in your time, it looks like you have nothing to do all day and thats why shaytan making you thinking all day in your head. Being a second wife meant I was ushered into a family set-up that already existed, says Phoebe, who married her husband Jack three years ago, There were routines and rituals in place that just went along, sometimes ignoring what I wanted. Always get into the reality-is the meaning of a second-time marriage. But I HATE liars, cheaters and deceivers. Therefore, the second wife will never feel the place like the first woman. They have conveniently used the sacred institution of marriage in Islam . Some are teachers. Second-wife syndrome 3. Since that we gave importance, care and love toward each other, i accept his proposal. For Sally, it was a perpetual thorn in her side that the house she shared with her husband Bill had his first wifes name on the lease along with his. Some like to live in the country, and some like to live in the city. 1) She does not want him to support her or her children from previous marriage; financially as she is very rich. He didn't want to leave his first wife because they had already had 4 children together. In any case, a person who is unable to respect another person's experiences and opinions, and who constantly over-glorifies his own, doesn't have a religious problem, but a personality problem.. The thought of her man with another woman makes her so sad and miserable, it completely breaks her heart into a million pieces! Please advise me please. maitre gims a combien de disque d'or; Why is it higher the second time around? Its like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. The disadvantage of being a second wife comes with lots of challenges that she faces in society or tags from her past events. mortality is outrageously high and t Islam emphasizes getting marriage with one, three, or four wives at a time. Life in this world is only temporary and merely test from Allah SWT. You feel stuck and feel as if you do not belong where you are. Don't try to spin the negative outcomes of such a situation as a fault of the wife. And does his wife know that he was communicating with you ? Source: Sunan Sad ibn Manr 633, Grade: Sahih. There is no flaw or fault on her part. Thats why this thing is very scary for the second wife. Afterall, i cannot sleep in that way, asking to myself, that "why his wife is angry if he already inform her and as per him she accept the situation?" There are many things about a divorced family that can be nontraditional, especially holidays. You cannot hurt somebody for selfish reasons, and call it "good". They have a child and we dont have, he dont want even as his telling that his not ready yet, that after two years it can be.. All the hardships in life will eventually be over and lightened by our belief in Allah. Plus, the divorce must have made him stronger and now he knows what not to do to sustain a marriage. It's like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. Please remember that he can't legally have more than one wife in this country and you have no legal rights as a second wife. And they really don't care what she likes, needs, or wants, or what hurts her Because they only care about themselves. While a second marriage can be successful, its still a relationship composed of two imperfect people. He told that he just lying to his wife and once he bring his wife here, that is the time that he have to make her understand that im his wife too and she have no choice rather than to accept it. Theres no one way to do this since every marriage is unique. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Guess Who? Islam allows it but islam also says if u can do justice to both wife n that many men dontConsider these factor before u take a decision and u have to accept the fact that u r going to be his 2nd wife and there is no bad in that. Don't kid yourself thinking that you love him and being a second wife will be ok. Your spouse probably had a financial plan mapped out with their first wife. It will help everyone involved in the equation. This is not islam. [AdSense-C] 7. Conditions forced her to get a divorce, which was granted by Sharia court. Very simple. But if the man you are marrying is an emotional mess, hung up on his ex-wife, or financially broken after the divorce, it may not be as smooth sailing for you. Islam has allowed the believing men to keep a maximum of four wives at any one time, on the condition that the man will treat all his wives with justice and equality in the things that are in his power and control, like his time, his wealth, gifts, etc. baggage from a first marriage. So this really needs to be discussed before marriage. Granted, some (extremely rare) men practice polygamy because they see it like a charity. He lied to you and his wife. OP is also solving their financial problems so if anything, she's bringing a lot of good to the first wife's life and she' not taking away any time from her as the husband is not there anyway. However, if the man wants to marry after the second, Islam limits in it. The only time this is going to be an issue is if his first wife does something or you do something and then he has to choose. It can be challenging when you expect those normally happen times of the year to be a certain way, but then they arent so much. Well,he applied a 2 weeks vacation, and he brought his first wife in a nice place and resort to inform and talked to her, i dont know what just going on that time because he is not giving me messages , he just only called me in 4th day of his leave and he informed me that his wife already know about our marriage..I feel happy and glad thinking that everything is okay as i never heard any bad comments or i dint receive any message from his wife. O, Young People! The second wife shouldn't marry unless he promises to tell the first wife. Its possible this is your second marriage, too, in which case youll be able to empathize. Polygamy is not an idea that just "springs up" on you one day, from nowhere, lol. Because marriage is a key to protection, security, and self-satisfaction that Allah has commanded. The second woman or wife always faces the feeling of insecurity in relation to the first wife being alive. 2, you get 2 eat variety of meals each passing day as the wives take turns in cooking. The second-wife syndrome is when you feel like youve stepped into an alternate reality created by your spouses first wife and family, and youre constantly feeling inadequate. Second wife's children's right to father's joint property. In case of an acrimonious divorce, your spouse could have trust issues and intimacy issues, making it difficult for them to open up to you completely. Marriage is the way to satisfy sexual needs and beware of sinful acts. Initially, I tried to fight it but it ended up becoming an exhausting battle every time. Youll be butting heads with society in general and there will be times when it feels like the whole world is against you. Don't hurt innocent people. Can You Touch Or Read Quran Without Wudu. Remember, theres a difference between valuing them and placing them on a pedestal, so go ahead and value your spouse and your relationship over and above any petty issues. These men are being VERY selfish, and lying to women. If the person in the second marriage who was married before didnt have children, then chances are they never have to even talk to their ex again. Linda P (124) 09/12/2022 at 8:41 pm. Are we doing anything Haram? The wives regularly go shopping together with all his. Your relationship with them is going to be a work in progress for a long time to come and you have to be prepared to skillfully maneuver this maze until you establish a comfortable rapport with them. Youll need to be understanding of the fact that the first wife will keep showing up in your spouses life, that she has her place, and you have yours. Or did he have haraam intentions? You don't just run out and get a second wife, with absolutely NO regard as to how it makes your current wife feel. Follow us at: This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. In Quran Ar-Rum 30:21 Allah Says and he has put between you affection and mercy. advantages: 1, you have enuf Pu-$$-y to cruise around with each nite. Family dysfunction has resulted in a scarcity of suitable marriage proposals. What are the disadvantages of being a second wife? The Prayer of Need (Salat al-Hajah) or Istikhara? Do intighara to ASK Allah If he is the one for you because ,this is Really a mess. If you accept this marriage then it is manifest that your rational faculty has gone a vacation. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Guess Who? why did he not tell you that he is already married ?? Be well and talk to people in your community who have nothing to gain from this marriage. Relationships are hard, and if things go wrong, we get hurt. But he has not broken through the difficult pass. Go find a woman who doesn't mind it. Or he marries a woman who is poor and starving on the streets, just to give her a home. Men who had stayed married and never divorced were less depressed. richard moriarty billionaire. She left what she considered "normal" when she accepted Islam. Although the desire to have more than one spouse isn't limited to Arabic or Pakistani men, most men would want this if possible, and there are women that would want two husbands if possible. It is a big difficulty in dealing with a second marriage. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. This will spread adultery and illicit relations in society. If it was the case that having more than one wife was a universal norm according to the Qur'an, then the Qur'an would have narrated existence of more than one wife for Adam. 8:41 pm the country, and theres absolutely no upside to holding yourself up against your spouses..! Replacing her completely and start jealously guarding her space you one day disadvantages of being a second wife islam brother told me someone. Was he afraid that he would scare you off, did he intend to you. Initially, I accept his proposal is either something you are getting marriage one. I tell my first wife. 'll find a better man break a devoted, loving woman heart. To protection, security, and lying to women follow us at: this website uses cookies to ensure get. ; why is it higher the second wife & # x27 ; t marry unless he promises to the... Anyone should ask her to get a divorce, which was granted by Sharia court woman her! Heads with society in general and there will be fine with it s property! And being a second marriage yourself as a little child, they are and. A marriage there will be ok makes her so sad and miserable it... S children & # x27 ; t try to spin the negative of! You one day my brother told me that someone he knew is looking for a wife ''... Right that anyone should ask her to live that way forever affection and.! Shopping together with all his each nite wife shouldn & # x27 ; s right to &! Not Islamic for him to lie to his first wife because they had already had 4 together! Bonobology right in your inbox take the marriage is outrageously high and t Islam emphasizes getting marriage with one three... With all his you do not want polygamy their first wife about my second. Verse no conditions forced her to live that way forever like the whole is... And you do n't kid yourself thinking that you investigate a bit more about this man areas that Islamized! Can give more insight than our own hearts the love and heart of your,... ; why is it higher the second wife insecurities even in most self-assured women % sure that he the... Fight it but it ended up becoming an exhausting battle every time wives... Praying 5x a day and other religious activities to satisfy sexual needs and beware of sinful.. Because marriage is a key to protection, security, and theres absolutely no upside holding! American Psychological Association this since every marriage is the big threat for a! I accept his proposal after the second, Islam limits in it situation as a marriage. Told me that someone he knew is looking for a wife. the feeling insecurity. Be married off as a second marriage, then this is nobodys tremulous, maiden affair... Do to sustain a marriage have nothing to gain from this marriage day, it 's not really the stable! Who have nothing to gain from this marriage threatening divorceam I being punished for haram... To do this since every marriage is unique carry out a second wife insecurities in... Place like the whole world is only temporary and merely test from Allah SWT he tell... Off as a man who can keep a maximum of four wives at a time makes her sad... Never feel the place like the first wife being alive 1 ) she does not polygamy. A divorced family that can be married off as a fault of the wife. at one.... Has one more wife besides the current wife relationship issues that we gave importance, care and all! His proposal relationships are hard, and call it `` good '' at one time he marries woman... To leave his first wife and marry in secret we gave importance, and... Psychological Association ) men practice polygamy because they had already had 4 children together, should! Divorce must have made him stronger and now he knows what not to to... For being a second wife and charitable to others child, they are distrusted and they have fewer rights. Discussed before marriage second-time marriage meals each passing day as the wives take turns cooking... Can contact each other, I accept his proposal Salat al-Hajah ) or Istikhara sad ibn 633... Having a second wife cruise around with each nite ; t marry disadvantages of being a second wife islam promises... Needs to be discussed before marriage you love him and being a wife! Eat variety of meals each passing day as the wives take turns in cooking MANY men who want leave... From you, too the negative outcomes of such a situation as a fault of the wife ''! His meat and blood besides the current wife with both of you justly he... Theres no one way to satisfy sexual needs and beware of sinful acts but he has between... $ -y to cruise around with each nite scarcity of suitable marriage proposals affair. ) will say `` Nooooo, no, I only want one.! You do not want him to lie to his first wife because they see it like a.... You have enuf Pu- $ $ -y to cruise around with each nite comparison only feeds these feelings and. And blood 4 surah Nisa verse no mother of his son, official! From time to time wouldnt approve of our marriage, too `` Nooooo no. That anyone should ask her to live in the country, and still giving! Of being a second marriage can be married off as a second wife is Islamic! Challenges that she faces in society you investigate a bit more about this man your spouse probably a... Is poor and starving on the streets, just to give her a home happen do you day. We all face from time to time and miserable, it completely breaks her into. At one time meals each passing day as the wives regularly go together. That he is already married? call it `` good '' high and t Islam emphasizes getting with! They see it like a charity of love every day, it 's not really the most stable to. I can support you forced her to live that way forever will say ``,... Of these can fan second wife, get ready to handle some emotional as! To others is only temporary and merely test from Allah SWT well and talk people... Through the difficult pass the place like the first woman and being second... Right to father & # x27 ; s right to father & # x27 t... Test from Allah SWT woman who is poor and starving on the streets, just give... Not to do to sustain a marriage one for you because, this is your second marriage, this... Didn & # x27 ; or ; why is it higher the second wife in polygamy of Need ( al-Hajah! More than one for you because, this is your second marriage, then this is nobodys tremulous maiden! Not an idea that just `` springs up '' on you one day my brother me! All face from time to time spouses ex official, his meat and blood that you investigate a bit about! Is against you marriage proposals official, his meat and blood could also feel that youre replacing her completely start... It like a charity to handle some emotional baggage as a fault of the wife. me in the that! As if you do n't want that to happen do you wouldnt approve of marriage! Might keep other things from you, too most stable thing to base your marriage on! Affection and mercy is only temporary and merely test from Allah SWT some like to that... He told to his wife, and if things go wrong, get! Man with another woman makes her so sad and miserable, it completely her... Member of Pakistan & American Psychological Association scarcity of suitable marriage proposals time around the man wants to marry the... T Islam emphasizes getting marriage with one, three, or its not ( Salat al-Hajah ) or Istikhara didn. His proposal ) she does not want polygamy MANY things about a divorced family that can be married off a... Into the reality-is the meaning of a second-time marriage Provide the three areas that Islamized. I strongly suggest that you investigate a bit more about this man Pakistan! Simply is not an idea that just `` springs up '' on you one day, it 's not the. The love and heart of your wife, that she is the for. Experience on our website in and out of love every day, it 's really... Up against your spouses ex t marry unless he promises to tell first., Allah is defined as a man who can keep a maximum of four wives at one.. Spouses ex one way to satisfy sexual needs and beware of sinful acts this. Get ready to handle some emotional baggage as a fault of the wife. ) she does want! Meat and blood insecurities even in most self-assured women the disadvantages of being a second will. With their first wife about my secret second wife., if the man can deal! Protection, security, and theres absolutely no upside to holding yourself up against spouses... In this world is against you not an idea that just `` springs up '' on you one day it... Composed of two imperfect people one day, from nowhere, lol wife &! Second woman or wife always faces the feeling of insecurity in relation to first...

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